In writing, they are curt and don't express their feelings very much, whereas in person they will go on about something and flow with conversation. That being said, when you're getting to know a stranger online in written communication, it's common sense that you have to make some effort.
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If you're getting curt replies without any follow-up questions or even some details or a joke, then the guy is probably a dud who doesn't have much to say, or lacks basic social skills. I would try to not stick with online communication too long, but if you can't get past "hello" without getting anything to work with, then I think it's a waste of time.
Go with your gut. I have had ZERO luck online dating, but I do have many male friends who are horrible at emails a one-line response five days later but very good at conversational back and forth. Don't forget that you can also get the insecure types who are desperate to hide their interest! But the thing is, it's dating - you're there to make a connection.
How To Start An Online Dating Conversation
I would cut my losses if I were you. I think this just goes with the territory. Online dating is notorious for flakers and no-shows. It could be worse.
I've been stood up by dates on OkCupid when I tried it years ago. At least these guys have the decency to stand you up in text. I don't know what site you are on, but OkCupid and maybe others shows an indicator of how often someone responds to messages something like: So you could read the one line back as 'uninterested but I don't want to look like I never respond to people in case that puts other people off contacting me'.
I've noticed this too since I started online dating again. My theory is that there are many people who now only access the site through their phone, and treat the site's email feature like text message. It's annoying and possibly an indication that when the acquaintance progresses they're going to except to have those pointless text 'conversations' rather than actual conversations so I gladly move on from these people.
I wouldn't bother responding to a one line reply that doesn't further the conversation or prompt for a reply. I've gotten this a few times I don't send a lot of messages because I've just never had much luck initiating on ok cupid and my gut reaction was always the guy wasn't particularly interested but was being polite.
Guys don't get tons of messages like women so I think most have not had to adopt the somewhat cutthroat approach women do of generally only replying very selectively in order to make the sheer volume of spammy messages manageable. When I did okcupid my theory was that they didn't like me. It didn't want to be rude. I got it not infrequently from guys I messaged and it never went anywhere with any of them.
I wouldn't wase your time with them. I used to do this on okcupid I'm female, though.
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What it meant when I did it is that the person's profile had enough in it that made me want to write back, but that I really hate the common conversation format of online dating messages and just couldn't bear to do it: Did a person really have to know how long I'd been kickboxing to know whether he wanted to meet me? Instead of asking questions, have you considered just sending some sincere comments and a request for a date? Like "I noticed you listed x, y, and z as things you like.
I like them too. I laughed at the part of your profile that said x. Would you like to meet up for a drink?
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In my profile, I wrote that I was the only girl on okcupid that seemed to prefer short men to tall men, and that I prefer intense people to "laid back" people. He wrote to me that he was short and not the least bit laid back, so would I like to go for a drink sometime, and to this day, we joke that this pretty much sums him up as a person posted by millipede at 6: There might be two slightly different things going on, here. When you message a guy first, and get a short answer, nthing that this is most likely "polite disinterest. If they were interested there would be more of an attempt at starting a conversation by asking you questions in return, or mentioning something in your profile, so on and so forth.
And seconding whoaali in that us guys tend to not get inundated with messages or horrible reactions to expressions of polite disinterest , so sending a politely disinterested reply isn't much of an effort, generally.
I suppose you could take another look at their profile to see if you think it might possibly be worth taking another whack at the conversation, but if you would rather just figure, "Nah, this guy is a dud" and move on, I don't think anyone here could say you're doing it wrong. Alternatively, I could easily imagine that some people have poor social skills, aren't really used to the norms of online dating messaging, or just disagree with that style of conversation.
I'd strongly suspect that this group is smaller than the first, but you could theoretically miss a gem if you ignore it.
Online dating (PoF), I get messaged but get boring one word replies. : asktrp
If you want to take a chance on them, you could just ask them out directly as soon as conversation stagnates like that. The only downsides are a decent chance of rejection and wasting your time meeting someone who might not be that interested, but if you're fine with that, why not?
When I did online dating I perceived it as not interested, or lacking social skills. When a guy is interested he would ask more questions or ask to meet right away.
Want to add to the discussion?
Hold out for a dude who is like, "Wow, a hot lady just messaged me! I want to get to know her further. Let me ask a follow up question. I've just gone on a few dates with someone who asks great questions, remembers my answers, with whom I can talk and laugh with for hours and not get bored or run out of things to say.
9. Her Responses Are Short
If we hadn't jumped straight to meeting after 2 or 3 short messages, and had started texting or something first, I would have thought he is the most boring person on the face of the planet. In general, my goal in online dating is to meet them in person as soon as possible -- that's how you know if there is anything really there. Speaking as a guy back in the world of online dating, I'll just say that I'm very chatty when given the opportunity and I ask questions back to keep the conversation going.
Even my initial contact messages have a question or two to try and spark some interest. It's rare that I hear back though and I've been told to be less talkative, but it just seems to me that being short-answered is a death knell for online dating. That in a date she may be.
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